Tuesday, February 3, 2009 11:59 AM

Cat School Final

I have been helping GoG with her studies. So I decided I would show her that I have been studying on my own, too. GoG signed me up to take classes on-line with Dubby, but I keep forgetting to sign in so I don't know how I will do on my exam. Dubby did really well. I have to take a make-up exam, so I am going to study from Dubby's exam and see how I do.

Cat School Take Home Exam
Class: Human Interaction
Instructions: You may use Chapters 1-5 of Dr. Fluffy Tendertoes' Human Interaction for House Cats, 2007. Carrboro Cat Press books.
Student: King Henry the First

1. When your human is working on either a technical, craft or housework project, you:
a. stand where the human is working
b. sit where the human is working
c. play with tools, string or material of human
d. take a nap in another room

1. I do everything but d. Captain Obvious, I guess.

2. To wake up your human, you:
a. bite nose of human
b. put fresh litter box paws on human's mouth
c. start a Cat Party!
d. wait until the alarm clock sounds

2. c. Nothing like a Cat Party! And it's especially fun if you press your nose to the window glass and get it really cold and then press it in your hooman beans ear. They will really like that. It gets the party started!

3. If your human is sewing, knitting or crocheting, you:
a. play with thread or yarn
b. try to sit on human's lap or working area
c. pay no attention

3. a or b - it is important to help with these projects. We cats have good taste and like to help with the design!

4. If your water dish is empty, you:
a. stand in bowl and wail
b. kick bowl with paws for noise
c. wail
d. wait until the bowl is filled to drink

4. a, b, c. plus option e - go drink out of toilet. You have to wail REALLY loudly though or they think you're just lonely and don't come see.

5. When a human enters the bathroom, you:
a. insist on coming into the bathroom
b. want to sit on human's lap if human sits
c. stare at human with amazement, every time
d. allow human privacy

5. Hoomans must have help. They need the company. Sometimes they read, and so you can always help turn pages. If they shut the door on you, you can still keep them company by sticking your paws under the door and wave at them.

6. If your human is reading, you:
a. keep the human company by sitting on the reading materials
b. yell for food
c. dash through the room acting terrified
d. curl up on the floor and take quiet nap
6. a. Though this is a trick question. They need you to help them stay on task.

7. You are accused of bad cat behavior, you:
a. look innocent
b. refuse to move from offending area
c. take a good long bath
d. roll on your back, paws in the air and ask for forgiveness
7. a and c - Don't lie down on your back or rude girlie cats will pounce on your belly.

8. When humans are away from your home, you:
a. do whatever you wish
b. find projects you are denied when humans are home
c. play with toilet paper or paper towel rolls
d. write poetry about how lonely you feel
8. a, b, c. Wait to compose poetry until the middle of the night, and then you MUST sing it for them. They will be so pleased.

9. Where is the highest place you can jump to to knock things off?
a. bedroom bookshelves
b. bookshelves in family room
c. pull down linens in linen closet
d. take a nap instead
Well, it used to be Short Girl's bookcase, but she took everything off. So now it is Bearded Scritcher's bookcase or dresser.

10. How often do you try to run outdoors?
a. every time the exterior doors are opened
b. every day or so I make a run for it
c. tear the weather stripping off most exterior doors
d. never
d. I did it once. Never again. I was skeered.

Bonus Essay Question: Why Cat Contact is Important to My Humans. One page, single spaced.

If my hoomans don't have Cat Contact they forget things. They forget how to go back to sleep easily. They forget what food dishes and water dishes are for. They forget how to open the cold box and take out cat yummehs. They forget that handsome, well-behaved boy cats are starving and want food. So they need Cat Contact.

Hooman beans also need us for fine motor exercises. That's why we are to leave cat hair on everything. They practice fine motor exercises by picking up the hairs. And they practice fine motor by giving handsome, friendly kittehs very good back scritches and ear scritches and chin scritches. They also give good kittehs bearded chin wuzzles (well, only if they have beards.)

Hoomans need Cat Contact so that they have someone to hold down their blankets. If cats are not present in the bedroom, there is no way that the blankets will stay on the bed. They will slide off! So good kittehs make sure that they anchor the blankets. Cat Contact also spaces the pillows perfectly (like this.... HOOMAN - CAT - HOOMAN). We disapprove of any other spacing. Only the bestest cats get to sleep between the hoomans.

Hoomans need Cat Contact most of all to provide testing of Greenies. If there is no Cat Contact, hooman beans will forget what flavors of Greenies are the best. (Beef. Just sayin.)

That is why hoomans need Cat Contact.

King Henry I, the smartest cat (next to Dubby)

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My Peeps

Bearded Scritcher ("Dad")

Giver of Greenies or GoG ("Mom")

Stringplucker (Beth)

Stringpuller (CJ)

T.O.C. ("That Other Cat")

N.C.P. ("New Catly Presence")

My Mews

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